You’ve done your homework. You have a good handle on the situation and a pathway forward has begun to emerge. You have a vision and now, you’ve got a plan. It’s time to be a leader. It’s time to muster the troops that are going to implement these bright ideas of yours. They have been down in the trenches unable to see the big picture and besides, they should probably be reminded now and then of what you’ve been telling yourself all along, “Boy, they picked the right person for this job.” (simulate the sound of a record scratching)
While this might not describe your leadership exactly, we’ve probably all been in meetings where we were expected to do nothing but “ooh” and “aah” and nod our heads agreeably or been patronizingly asked for our opinion on things that were already decided. It’s why many executive teams function as little more than a rubber stamp for the boss’s ideas and why leaders and naysayers, historically speaking, have had such a rocky relationship. But some leaders will object to this saying, “You don’t know how bad my naysayers are. If we listen to them, we’ll never get anywhere!” Or maybe, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate a counter perspective, it’s the way they present it that bothers me.” Yeah right. While certainly, a wise naysayer will learn to season his or her objections with sugar and spice, great leaders value their well-meaning naysayers even when their eloquence and perspective might be limited. In fact, they actively seek out as many credible naysayers as they can find. Why? Because they know that they can still be wrong even when they feel like they’re so right and that even their best ideas can benefit tremendously from the refining fire of multiple competing perspectives.
Most leaders nowadays appreciate at least the idea of healthy debate as the gurus have been talking about it for decades (Patrick Lencioni’s The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team alone has sold over 2 million copies), but why is it that many leaders still struggle to facilitate it with their teams and why do many naysayers still feel so reticent to voice their dissent and so unappreciated when they do? Perhaps you can think of a few reasons for this from your own experience and context, but I suspect that much of it can be attributed to the fact that many leaders are simply better at speaking than they are at listening.
I recently had the opportunity to attend a leadership coaching seminar at a prestigious institution and was surprised by the attention given to developing basic listening skills which revealed the bad habits many of us have as listeners as well as the deep levels of insight that can be reached when we overcome them. Being a good listener is all about getting ourselves out of the way so that others can express themselves honestly without fear. Perhaps the most profound advice for leaders might be something like a quote from a recent podcast from the leadership consulting firm, Building Champions: “Leaders should be first to speak when it comes to personal vulnerability. For everything else, they should speak last,”* which sounds eerily similar to another quote from an even better source: “…dear friends, lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” (James 1:19 MSG) So the next time you find yourself in a spirited debate, perhaps among an entire team of committed individuals whose members are unafraid to step into the naysayer role, count yourself blessed. Some of your best ideas are probably just around the corner.
Reflection Questions
- In your last meeting, who spoke first? Who spoke longest? Whose ideas were ultimately adopted?
- How willing are your staff members to speak up about areas of potential disagreement? What might you be doing, even unintentionally, that shuts down healthy debate?
- How would improving your listening skills impact your leadership?
